


‘Tis the Damn Season

by spacedust719



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Christmas time reunion, Flashbacks, I really don’t know how to tag this, I was going for cheesy Christmas time movie, M/M, past relationship, there’s a wild Joe Mazzello sighting, yes I got inspiration from a Taylor Swift song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28241553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedust719/pseuds/spacedust719
Summary: Ben comes home for Christmas with his family. He runs into his first love, Gwilym Lee, unexpectedly. They haven’t seen each other in close to ten years.They decide to hang out while they are both in town.
Relationships: Ben Hardy/Gwilym Lee
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	‘Tis the Damn Season

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspiration for the first time in a long time from a Taylor Swift song. You can probably guess which one from the title. There are a few lyrics in here cause I couldn’t help myself. 
> 
> I did make them closer to the same age for plot purposes and to make their initially relationship appropriate.
> 
> Flashbacks are in italics

Ben half smiles as he listens to his mum talk about her ongoing “feud” with the neighbors about Christmas decorations. His mom got a wreath for the front door. A few days later, the neighbors had the same one. Ben is only half listening now at how it ridiculously escalated from there. She was the only one that came to pick him up from the train station. His dad is still at work and his brother is still sleeping despite it being 10 am. 

They are only a few minutes from the station when Ben realizes they’ve turned onto an overly familiar street. He spent a lot of his childhood, and early adulthood, here. At the other end of the street is Gwil’s parents house. Ben’s older brother would begrudgingly bring him along to play after Gwil and Michael met at primary school. Despite Ben being two years younger, Gwil never excluded him. Ben spent previous Christmases there when Ben and Gwil started dating during his gap year. 

  
Ben wasn’t expecting to be bombarded by this strong of emotions so early into his trip. Gwil and he haven’t seen each other in, gosh, close to a decade Ben realizes. Ben doesn’t know if the nine and a half years have gone by quickly or horribly slow. He closes his eyes and can picture their whole relationship. The elation that Gwil had feelings for Ben too right up until Gwil’s face disappeared from view as Ben’s train left the station when he moved to the states, with all the highs and lows in between. 

Ben glances over to his mom. She’s now talking about if she needs more lights for the house. Ben looks back to the window. They are even with Gwil’s parents' house now. Ben sharply inhales when he sees that Gwil is in the front garden. He’s building a snowman with two small children. 

This is why Ben doesn’t get on social media. He would spend his time fixated on Gwil’s, thinking about what could have been if they had chosen different paths. He enjoys his life in LA, but even at the best parts of it he would wonder if it was the right choice. The road not taken looks real good now. 

Gwil gets hit in the face with a snowball. Ben laughs. 

Angela looks over, seeing who Ben is watching, “you had such a crush on him growing up.”

Ben scoffs, “nuh uh.”

Angela tries not to laugh, “yes you did. It was so adorable.”

Ben pouts, “it was not.”

“Oh you’re blushing,” his mom teases. “Am I embarrassing you in front of the no one in the car?”

Ben looks over at her, still sounding defensive, “we did date.”

“Oh, I remember.” Angela watches Ben’s face change from embarassed to slightly sad. She gives him a small smile, “it’s a shame growing up. People having to go in different directions.”

Ben looks back out the window, “yeah.” 

Angela hesitates briefly before saying, “well, you’ll be able to say hi tomorrow night.”

Ben’s head whips back towards his mum, “WHAT?” Surely his mum didn’t invite his ex over for dinner or something without consulting him.

Angela can’t help laughing at Ben, “calm down. Ceiwen just told me they are also going to the tree lighting.”

Ben’s shoulders relax, “oh. That’s nice.”

Angela snorts, “it is.” She stops in front of their house, “I could also ask all the Lee’s over if you want.”

Ben lets his head fall back against the headrest, “could you wait at least for me to be home for a few hours before teasing me?”

“Oh, let me have my fun. You’re so far away.” Angela gets out of the car. 

Ben smiles at his mum, “one hour, then.”

Angela laughs, “I concede for now.”

“Thank you.” Ben gets his suitcase out of the boot, looks back towards the Lee house even if he can’t see it, before following her into the house.

+++++++

Ben drops his bag at the end of the bed, pulls out his phone, and lays down. Thankfully, there’s enough of a time difference between home and LA that his roommate should still be awake. 

“Hel-“ Joe barely gets a syllable out before Ben cuts him off.

“We didn’t even get him and all I could think about was Gwil.”

“I’m great Ben, thanks for asking.” Joe laughs at how distraught Ben sounds, “what did you see?”

Ben puts his arm over his eyes, “I saw him. It was him. He’s here. I’ll be seeing him tomorrow night.”

“Damn, son! You work fast.” Joe sounds impressed.

“No, I haven’t talked to him.” Ben corrects, “The town has a tree lighting ceremony every year. It’s tomorrow night. My mum talked to his. They are going with all the grandkids. He’ll be there.”

Joe smiles, “go for it.”

Ben frowns, “go for what? I am going to the tree lighting.”

Joe rolls his eyes, “go for whatever. Him. Romance. Sexy times.”

Ben rolls over onto his stomach, “I’m only here for a week.”

“What’s your point?” Joe sounds down right jolly, “‘Tis the damn season.” 

Ben thinks about it. What’s the worst that could happen? When they broke up, it was the worst Ben has ever felt in his life. He should have been excited about moving to pursue his dream. He spent his days going to auditions and his nights crying about the love he left behind. Ben sighs, “yeah.” He smiles, trying to mirror Joe’s enthusiasm, “‘tis the damns season.”

“YES!!!!!” Joe cheers, “send me hourly updates. I will allow longer than an hour if you're busy with a long make out sess.”

Ben laughs, “you’re such a good friend.”

Joe laughs, “damn right I am.”

Ben shakes his head, still laughing, “what’s going on with you?”

“Oh so much..” Joe starts telling Ben about what he’s been doing while Ben was flying home. Ben tries not to start daydreaming about what it will be like to see Gwil again.

  
  


++++++++

Ben follows behind his parents as they try to edge in closer for a better view of the tree. Ben thinks it’s tall enough they could stand on the outside of the crowd. His mother insisted they be close, so they are trying. They surprisingly make it to the front of the crowd that’s formed a circle around the tree. Ben looks around to the left. He sees plenty of familiar faces.

As soon as he looks to the right, he sees Gwil. Gwil gives him a small wave. Ben freezes. It’s the same one Gwil gave him from the train platform so long ago. He also has the same closed mouth smile with only one side of his mouth, like he’s not fully committed to it. 

Ben smiles back fully and lifts his hand to wave back. Gwil finishes smiling. Ben thinks about trying to make his way over, but the ceremony for the tree lighting starts. 

The moment it’s over, Ben starts to walk to Gwil. He’s about halfway there when a friend of his mom grabs him by both shoulders.

“Ben! I’m so glad you’re here.”

Ben forces a smile, “hi Judith. Nice to see you.”

Judith holds his shoulders tight so he can’t get away, “I need your help tomorrow night. Your mom tells me your single.”

Ben sharply inhales. He’s honestly scared of what she’s going to ask him.

She continues, “we are having a singles auction for dates tomorrow night. I need more men.”

Ben knows he’s making a disinterested face at her. He just can’t stop himself, “really?”

She smiles, “it’s for the animal shelter. They are full and need supplies.”

Ben sighs. Why does she have to pull cute animals into this? He smiles, “sure. When is it?”

She smiles back, “tomorrow.”

Ben smiles, “fine. See you then.”

“Bring that cute face.” She tells him before disappearing as quickly as she appeared. 

Ben sees Gwil standing by himself, looking up at the tree. Ben stands beside him, looking up too.

Gwil starts talking first, “hello Benjamin.”

Ben wants to be annoyed. He wants to roll his eyes because he’s never gone by that. Other than with Gwil. Gwil insisted when they were 16 and 18. Ben was so far gone for Gwil by then, he just went along with it. 

Ben looks over and smiles, “hi Gwilym.”

Gwil turns towards him, hesitantly lifting an arm and leaning towards Ben.

Ben turns to face him, “yeah man, bring it in.” 

They hug each other. Ben feels Gwil’s head rest against the side of his for just a moment.

Gwil steps back, “you look the same.”

“Really?” Ben raises his eyebrows, “it’s been 9 years.”

Gwil’s tone is cheeky, “did I say the same? I meant very mature. Practically greying.”

Ben laughs, “thanks. I know I’ve still got the moon face.”

Gwil smiles, “who doesn’t like the moon?”

Ben is glad the cold is covering any blushing, “how are you? How are things?”

“I-“ Someone calls Gwil’s name. Gwil looks towards where the voice came from as he scratches at his beard with a gloved left hand. Ben really wishes he could see if there is a ring. Ben’s mum didn’t know. The voice that called Gwil belongs to a woman he doesn’t recognize. The crowd moves and Ben notices there is a child on her hip. 

Gwil looks back to Ben, “I’ve got to go. Maybe…” Gwil looks at Ben with an unreadable expression. Ben used to know everything Gwil was thinking. “Maybe we’ll run into each other at something else.”

Ben nods, “yeah. Maybe.”

Gwil squeezes Ben’s shoulder and leaves.

Ben touches his shoulder where Gwil’s hand was as he watches him walk off. Ben hears his brother’s voice.

“You are so obvious.”

Ben rolls his eyes, “piss off.”

Michael pretends to be offended, “I’m telling mum if I beat you home.” Michael runs off.

Ben thinks Michael is acting like a kid. He also doesn't like losing so he runs after.

++++++++

Ben is backstage at the singles auction waiting for his turn. He can hear the crowd cheering and wolf whistling. He already feels embarrassed. He feels a tap on his shoulder. He expects it’s his mum. She didn’t approve of the jumper he wore. She thought there were ones that brought out his eyes better. He turns to see who it is. It’s Owain Lee, one of Gwil’s older brothers. 

“Ben! Buddy! Hi!” Owain pulls Ben into a tight hug before Ben can respond. 

Ben chuckles, “hey man. How’s it going?”

“I’m great.” Owain wiggles his eyebrows at Ben, “I've got my fiancé all teed up to bid on me. We thought about just donating to the shelter. She offered to bid for me and boost my ego.” Owain laughs, “I couldn’t pass that up.”

Ben thinks that’s great. Owain pulls him to the edge of the curtain and points out into the crowd, “that’s her in the red.”

“She’s pretty.” Ben offers. He realizes she’s the woman that called after Gwil last night. If he is married, it’s not to her. He looks around and doesn’t see any of the rest of the Lee family. He suspects that the other siblings are all married. He knows Rhiannon and Geraint are. He went to both their weddings with Gwil. 

Ben watches as Owain gets bid on. He can see his fiancé bidding enthusiastically. Owain starts strutting around for her. She laughs and makes a face at him. She keeps bidding anyways. Ben finds it all nauseatingly cute. He’s always liked Owain though so he doesn’t hate him for it.

Ben grimaces before going out for his turn. It starts out innocently enough when a woman that could be his grandma bids 5 pounds on him. He suspects she just needs some snow shoveling done. Another older woman, maybe his mum’s age, bids 10. She calls out that it’s for her daughter. The daughter looks significantly embarrassed next to her. He thought the town was small enough that people knew he was gay, but whatever. It’s for a good cause. The two women bid back and forth, raising 5 pounds at a time. Ben is now at 50 pounds, higher than anyone else. The ladies are still going when a possibly 40 something man bids 60. Ben smiles. He’s good looking. Before either woman can counter, a bid for 100 pounds comes from off to the side. It’s near silent as everyone looks to where it came from. The bidder is looking back at Ben. 

It’s Gwil. 

Ben really hopes his cheeks aren’t as red as they feel. He wishes he wasn’t under a damn spotlight. 

No one else bids. Gwil wins. 

Ben walks down the stairs at the front of the strange. Everyone starts leaving because Ben was the last person. Ben walks over to Gwil.

He licks his lips and smiles, “100 pounds?”

Gwil screws up his face, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know where that spurt of...I could have just bid a few pounds higher.”

“It’s for a good cause.” Ben looks at his foot and twists his toe into the snow. “It’s flattering.” He looks up at Gwil and smiles, “you could have just asked if I wanted to hang out.”

Gwil shrugs, “this was convenient.”

Ben laughs, “all right. Do you want to do something now? It’s still early. I’ve got to make sure you get your 100 pounds worth.”

Gwil smirks and raises his eyebrows, “yeah?”

Ben rolls his eyes and smiles, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Gwil smiles, “I know.”

Ben feels warm in his jumper, “what do you want to do?”

Gwil gives Ben a soft smile, “there’s ice skating.”

Ben smiles back, “perfect.”

_Ben closes his eyes as Gwil’s fingers brush against his yet again. When they first started skating, Ben cursed himself for forgetting his gloves. He thought his fingers would freeze. Instead, they are tingling with every skin to skin contact._

_Ben hasn’t seen Gwil in a few weeks. He had almost forgotten how handsome he was. When Gwil came over to hangout, Ben had to tell himself not to stare._

_Ben really should be used to it. He usually sees him all the time. Ben is on his gap year. The majority of it has been spent at Gwil’s in London, who’s there for university. Ben just shows up at Gwil’s door with his suitcase. Gwil never hesitates to let him in._

_Ben realizes their hands haven’t touched in a minute. He realizes Gwil is skating ahead of him, towards the edge._

_Ben skates over, “every good?” Gwil looks antsy._

_Gwil quickly nods, “yeah. Let’s go though.”_

_Ben shrugs, “if you want.”_

_They return their skates to the rental booth. Ben thanks the guy behind the counter._

_He feels Gwil’s hand slide into his. He looks up in surprise._

_Gwil smiles, “come with me.”_

_Gwil starts taking large steps across the street. Ben feels like he’s running to keep up with Gwil’s longer stride. Gwil looks around before pulling Ben down an alley._

_Gwil turns around so quick, Ben runs into him. Ben is about to apologize when Gwil cups his face and leans in._

_Ben lets out a quick surprised noise before kissing Gwil back._

_Gwil pulls back, “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”_

_“Do it again.” Ben grabs Gwil’s coat, pulling him back in for another kiss. Gwil slowly leans Ben backwards till they are leaning against a building. They make out for a while before breaking apart._

_Gwil rests his head against Ben’s, “date me.”_

_Ben can’t believe his ears, “what?”_

_Gwil kisses Ben’s forehead, “whenever we spend time together, I want to kiss you goodbye. I’d like to try dating.”_

_Ben smiles wide, “we can do that.” Ben thinks about how long he’s had feelings for Gwil. “I’d like that a lot.”_

Gwil tells the woman in the skate rental booth of their skate sizes. It’s a very insignificant detail, but Ben likes that Gwil remembers it. Ben pays her, figuring that Gwil has shelled out enough for their evening. 

They put their skates on and head out onto the ice. The temporary rink isn’t overly large but they’ve done a whole lap without either saying anything. Ben knows there are comfortable silences and he’s shared them with Gwil. He just doesn’t know if that’s what this is. They haven’t spent time together in so long. Ben doesn’t really know how to start. Maybe it’s just him that’s feeling odd. Gwil could be perfectly content. Ben decides to break the ice.

“So,” he starts at the same time Gwil says, “what”

They both laugh. Ben gestures for Gwil to go ahead.

“What’s life in LA like? How much do you love it?”

Ben glances over. Gwil looks incredibly handsome under the strings of lights draped over the rink. Ben catches Gwil’s eye and smiles before looking forward, “it’s a lot warmer.” Ben fakes a chill, “it’s alright. I love it sometimes. Other times it’s incredibly lonely.”

Gwil looks at him sympathetically, “what about work?’

Ben huffs a laugh, “kind of the same. I love the actual work. The process of booking jobs is another story. I wish there was some other way to do auditions. It gets tiring being treated more like a prop than a person with skills.”

“I’m sorry.” Gwil’s knuckles brush against Ben’s. “My mom told me something a couple years ago about you quitting a job because of something like that.”

Ben nods, “yeah. The steady work just wasn’t worth it.” Ben quickly looks over at Gwil. Ben is impressed that Gwil seems to be able to watch Ben while still skating straight. Maybe not completely straight. His hand bumps against Ben’s again. Ben purposely bumps Gwil’s arm with his, “what about you? How’s teaching? Do you love it as much as you thought you would?”

“Teaching is good.” Gwil glances at Ben, “did you know there are a surprising number of young university students that don’t appreciate poetry?”

Ben laughs, “I suspect there are a lot of people of all ages that don’t appreciate it as much as you.”

Gwil chuckles and shrugs, “I guess so. I still try to pass it on.” Gwil talks for a bit about teaching, sharing funny anecdotes about students and other faculty members. 

Ben could listen to Gwil tell stories all night. Instead they take turns sharing stories. Giving the other a crash course on what’s happened in the last decade since they spent time together. Ben tells him about Joe, and their various antics. Gwil tells him about how he had seen a cat on the street a few times, then on the fire escape outside his flat, and how it now lives inside his flat. 

Ben laughs at that, “I kind of did the same thing to you. Just let myself in and stay for an indefinite amount of time.”

Gwil chuckles, “well, we were dating. I’m not dating the cat.”

Ben laughs, “no?” Gwil makes a face, shaking his head. “Before we started dating though, too.” 

Gwil smiles fondly, “well that’s when I wanted to be dating you.”

Ben smiles. Gwil’s hand brushes against his again. He’s about to ask if Gwil is trying to hold his hand or not when a girl they went to school with skates up beside them with her daughter. They all chat for a bit. 

Ben and Gwil fall back into easy conversation again. It feels almost identical to when they did this the first time. Ben feels like he’s just talking with his best friend. The best friend he wants to hold hands with and kiss. If Ben focuses, he can remember how it felt to have Gwil’s lips against his. Gwil’s hand touches Ben’s for the millionth time. Ben has to stake over to the edge.

He goes over to a spot of the fence where no one is watching the skaters. He rests his hands on the edge, leans over, and looks at his feet. It’s only a few seconds before he feels a hand on his back, Gwil’s voice in his ear.

“Are you okay? Do you feel ill?”

Ben takes a deep breath, “I don’t feel ill.”

Gwil rubs his hand up and down Ben’s back, “what’s wrong?”

Ben stands up straight, looking directly at Gwil, “I- I can’t stop thinking about the last time we did this.”

Gwil slowly smiles, “that was a good night.”

Ben nods, “yeah.”

Gwil moves a little closer to Ben. He reaches up and straightens Ben’s scarf. “We haven't talked about something yet. Are you dating anyone?”

Ben grins wide, “no.”

“Me either.” Gwil looks up from the scarf to Ben’s eyes and smiles.

Ben’s smile falters slightly, “we live on different continents.”

Gwil tilts his head, “I know.”

Ben thinks about the advice Joe gave him. Ben’s text messages have also been filled with pickup lines, some seasonal themed, that Ben could use on Gwil. Ben moves a little closer to Gwil. He puts his hand on Gwil’s chest, who immediately covers it with his own. Ben looks from their hands to Gwil’s face.

“You could call me ‘babe’ for the weekend”

Gwil chuckles, “what?”

Ben groans, “sorry, terrible advice from a friend. But what if we just let what happens happen. While we can see each other?”

Gwil smiles, “yeah, babe.” 

Gwil leans in. Ben starts to push up on the toes of his skates but slides a bit. Gwil puts his arm around Ben’s waist and holds him tight against him as they kiss. The beard is new, but the kissing is just as nice as Ben remembers. Perhaps even better.

  
  


++++++++

Ben wakes up. He thinks maybe he dreamed the previous night. He brings his hand to his mouth. The skin around it has the slightest traces of beard burn. Ben smiles wide. He rolls over to bury his face in his pillow. He wants to shut out all external stimuli so he can replay the night before. He wasn’t expecting to even see Gwil while he was home. He hasn’t dared to dream that he’d get to kiss him. 

The replay of their kiss on the front porch after Gwil walked him home is cut off by a knock on Ben’s door. His mum knocks again before opening the door. She pops her head in.

“The front door is for you.”

Ben groans, “I’m sleeping.”

Angela laughs, “you should answer it anyways.” She leaves, shutting the door behind her.

Ben grabs a shirt and walks downstairs. He keeps one eye shut. It’s still too bright for his newly awoken state. 

Ben opens the door to find Gwil.

Gwil smiles wide, “I like your pajamas.”

Ben fluffs up his hair. He can only imagine how unruly it is. “What’s going on?”

“Well. I cannot for the life of me find presents for my parents. I was wondering if you’d like to go shopping with me?”

Ben hears an excited noise from behind him that must be his mother. Ben smiles, “sure.”

Gwil grins, “I didn’t have your number or I would have text you.”

“Come in. Sorry.” Ben moves out of the way. “I just need to shower quick.” He starts to walk to the bathroom before turning back to Gwil. “just make yourself at h- make yourself comfortable. You’ve been here before.”

Angela comes back out, “could I get you some tea?” Ben’s not really sure why she didn’t invite him in for that before waking him up. He suspects so Ben had to answer in his half sleep.

Gwil turns towards her, “if it wouldn’t be too much of an inconvenience, that would be lovely.”

“Not at all.” She smiles, “I’m making myself one. Ben, go get ready. Don’t make Gwil wait.”

“Yes, mum.” Ben mumbles, making Gwil laugh.

Ben gets out of the shower, wrapping the towel around his waist, before half jogging across the hallway to his room. He is surprised to find Gwil in there. He’s by the dresser looking at a picture in a frame that Ben has up. It’s one from the last birthday of Gwil’s they spent together. Ben just sees his back so he’s not sure what kind of expression Gwil is looking at it with. 

Ben quietly says, “hey. I’ll be ready in just a minute.”

Gwil turns around. He looks Ben up and down. He promptly drops the frame before mumbling, “fucking hell.”

Ben bites his lip, trying not to laugh. He turns around to shut and lock the door. “Where’s your tea?”

Gwil closes his gaping mouth. He bends over to pick up the picture. The glass is in tack but the frame has separated in one corner. He lays the picture down on the dresser and sits on the edge of the bed, “your mam got a phone call.”

“Oh.” Ben walks up to stand between Gwil’s knees. Gwil looks up at Ben. His expression is so warm and inviting. Ben drops his grip on the towel so he can hold Gwil’s face in both of his hands. He leans down to kiss him. 

Gwil wraps his arms around Ben’s waist, stands just enough to twist and pull Ben onto the bed. Gwil rolls them both so Ben is underneath him. Ben wraps his fingers into the back of Gwil’s hair, tilting his head to the side to deepen their kiss.

After a bit, Gwill pulls back. He’s breathing heavy, “I-“ He blows out some air, “I really do need to shop. As much as I enjoy this.”

Ben brushes some of the hair away from Gwil’s face. He whispers, “we should probably stop since we aren’t home alone.”

Gwil chuckles, “yeah. That too. I just didn’t want to say.”

Ben sighs dramatically, “I guess I’ll get dressed then.”

++++++++

They are in a bookstore. They didn’t have any luck at the lady’s clothing store. Gwil had no idea what his mam needed or would want. Ben wandered off from Gwil after about 15 minutes in the store. Ben was pretty sure Gwil was getting distracted by all the books. Ben started to look around. He wonders if he should get something for Gwil. He knows they aren’t actually together. Ben thinks they’ll be spending a lot of time together so he might as well. He always liked getting stuff for Gwil too. 

He looks down the next aisle to find Gwil sitting on the ground reading. Ben laughs and sits down next to him. 

Ben leans against Gwil, “aren’t you supposed to be shopping?”

Gwil smirks and starts reading out loud, 

“When you are old and grey and full of sleep

And nodding by the fire, take down this book,

And slowly read, and dream of the soft look

Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;”

Gwil’s voice reading poetry is really doing a lot for Ben. His voice is soft and sure. His cadence is full of love. Ben wonders if Gwil already knows the poem. Ben’s not sure if it’s actually a love poem or not. He doesn’t give Gwil the chance to finish reading. He leans over and cuts him off with a kiss.

Gwil smiles, “Benjamin.” He rests his head against Ben’s with his eyes closed.

Ben talks low, “what?”

“Nothing.” Gwil kisses Ben’s forehead and stands up. He offers Ben a hand to help him up. He puts the book back on the shelf, “you’re right. Is buying a romance novel for my mam weird?”

Ben ponders that for a moment, “I don’t know. Don’t think about it too much.”

Gwil chuckles, “alright.” Gwil looks around for the right section. He spots it and walks towards it.

Ben looks to see if Gwil is out of sight. He grabs the poetry book Gwil had. Gwil has his back to the register. Ben quickly buys the book before Gwil can see. 

++++++++

Ben’s mum is helping put on the annual gingerbread decorating contest. Ben has never been good at it. He does enjoy eating the gingerbread and candy. His dad told him that his mom was worried people weren’t very interested. Ben assumed this was a subtle hint that he should attend. Ben told Gwil about it when they were hanging out the night before. He seemed to think it was fun. That’s how Ben ended up with his fingers covered in frosting at 9 am. 

Ben looked around, “do they have coffee at this thing?” They stayed up talking in Ben’s room till about 2 am after Gwil came over for dinner.

Next to him Gwil laughed, “just lick your fingers for energy.”

Ben holds out one of his fingers, “do you need some?”

Gwil shakes his head, “I’ll lick your fingers later.”

Ben’s eyes widen, “err what now?”

Gwil winks at him before returning to his own confectionary construction. 

Ben looks from his house to Gwil’s, “how’d you get yours to stand?”

Gwil looks down in the middle of the four walls he has up, “I put fruit pastilles to help prop them up.” Gwil leans over, pressing his arm against Ben’s, “do you need help?”

Ben sighs, looking at his house, “let me try it again on my own.”

Gwil smiles, “let me know.” He kisses Ben’s temple. 

Ben has enough luck with his walls. He thinks the rest of it looks pretty sad. His artistic vision is definitely not matching up with his icing skills. He tried making a tree out of stacked pastilles but it just looks like a rainbow pile. It’s been fun enough. It’s giving him and Gwil to talk a bit more. 

  
Ben has a brilliant idea to use hundred-and-thousands as a path leading up to his front door. Ben pipes some white icing around the outside of the large piece of gingerbread that is being used for his yard. He thinks it doesn’t look that much different than one he made at this event as a child. There hasn’t been a big improvement in his decorating skills. He’s still a little proud that he got the roof to stay. He’ll just ignore that it's a little crooked. Ben smiles and turns to see how Gwil is coming along.

  
“Really, Gwil?” Ben sounds incredulous.

  
Gwil looks over at him innocently, “what? Does it look bad?”

Ben looks at the house again. He thinks gingerbread mansion might be a better word. It has three stories,a frosting tree, pond, and other greenery in the yard. It’s a damn masterpiece. 

Ben looks up and smiles fondly at Gwil. He looks so cute right now. There’s a streak of frosting on his cheekbone. He wants to kiss it off. He also wants to be mad at him for doing so much better than him. He can’t though. He’s never been able to be mad at Gwil.

Ben shakes his head, “how are you so good at this?’

Gwil shrugs, “I got into baking and decorating watching The Great British Baking Show. Turns out I’m okay at it.”

Ben gestures to his, “this is okay at it.” He points to Gwil’s, “that is amazing. I want to shrink myself and live in it.”

Gwil chuckles, “should I make some furniture for inside?”

Ben laughs, “you should help me make mine less… childlike?”

Gwil puts his arm around Ben, “I think it’s lovely. I like your path.”

Ben leans into Gwil, “thank you.” Ben smiles up at Gwil, “can we do something I’m good at next.”

Gwil laughs, “of course.”

++++++++

After spending Christmas day with his own family, Ben goes over to the Lee house. Gwil had told him to come on in. Geraint’s kids were asleep so they didn’t want Ben to ring the doorbell.

Ben enters to find all of the siblings sprawled out around the living room furniture and floor.

Rhiannon calls out, “BEN!! Finally.”

Ben laughs, “Hi, Rhiannon.”

She stands to greet him with a kiss on the cheek followed by a tight hug. “I’ve missed you.”

Ben squeezes her closer, “I’ve missed you, too.”

Rhiannon pushes at her husband’s shoulder, “come sit by me. Gwil can you have you to himself later.” 

Gwil winks at Ben as he sits down.

She watches her husband pout slightly, “sorry hun.” She turns to sit sideways on the sofa, now facing Ben, “how have you been?”

Ben falls back into easy conversation with them. It’s the 5th Christmas night he’s spent at the lee house. It doesn’t feel like 9 have passed between this and the last one. 

Owain stands up to get another bottle of wine. He peaks in a present still by the tree, “whose present is this. Why’s it still wrapped?”

Gwil looks over, “oh. I got that for Ben.”

All of Gwil’s siblings make teasing noises, effectively making Gwil blush. 

Ben looks at his lap and smiles. He catches Gwil’s eye, “yours is in my coat.”

Gwil clears his throat, “would you like to go exchange them? We can go to my room.”

All of Gwil’s siblings make noises again. 

Ben laughs, “yeah. I do.”

Rhiannon watches them both get up, “goodnight to you both.”

Geraint giggles as he says, “please don’t let us hear anything.”

Rhiannon leans over the arm of the sofa to smack his shoulder.

Ben doesn’t know what to say to that. He just grabs the present out of his coat and hurries up the stairs.

Gwil gives Geraint a dirty look. He dryly says, “thank you for that.”

“Gwil.” Geraint looks to make sure Ben isn’t in hearing distance, “you know we love Ben.”

Gwil looks around at his siblings. The tone is suddenly serious. He hesitantly says, “yeah.”

Geraint softly says, “be careful. I haven’t forgotten what it was like last time.”

“It’s fine,” Gwil replies dismissively.

++++++++

Ben gets to Gwil’s room before he does. It’s like a time capsule to their younger days. He can see them having slumber parties when they were little, Ben and his brother in sleeping bags on the ground while Gwil sleeps on the bed. He can remember them sitting on the bed, doing their homework when they were a little older. That usually would end up with Gwil reading, having already finished his homework, while Ben would try and finish his as quickly as possible so they could go do something more fun. The hardest part to remember is when they were both at university and home for breaks. They would sneak up here for some alone time. It’s not that Ben doesn’t remember that as vividly as the rest. Thinking of the whispered professions of feelings makes him ache for what could have been. 

Ben hears Gwil on the stairs, breaking his revery before he gets too upset. He tries not to smile when he notices Gwil locking the door behind him when he comes into his room. Ben smiles and holds out Gwil’s present.

“This is for you. I hope you don’t have it already.”

Gwil grins, “this is yours.” Gwil hands Ben the bag that had been under the tree.

Ben laughs when he sees a new picture frame inside, “cheers.”

Gwil shrugs, “it’s the least I could do.” Gwil unwraps his present, “oh this is great. I haven’t had time to go back and get it.” 

Ben legs out his breath, “good. I was worried you already had it. It seemed like you already knew that poem you had been reading. It seemed like a lovely poem.”

“Oh no, I don’t own the book. I know the poem though.” Gwil turns the book to that page. He sits down on the bed, with Ben joining him. “Here we go.” Gwil begins reading where he left off.

“How many loved your moments of glad grace,

And loved your beauty with love false or true,

But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you

And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,

Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled

And paced upon the mountains overhead

And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.”

What Gwil does when he finishes reading is completely unexpected. He rips out the poem and hands it over to Ben.

Ben just watches him in amazement for a moment. Teenage Gwil was always so careful with his books, needing to carry his “good pens” with him to make notes in the margins. Ben picks up the frame from beside him on the bed. He knows it to replace the one in his room, but it seems like a fitting place for the poem. He looks up at Gwil, who’s watching him with a soft expression. Ben wants him to ask him to stay. Or even if he would consider it. He wants to tell Gwil he loves him. That he never really stopped. 

Gwil softly grabs Ben’s wrist, “come here.” He pulls at him till Ben crawls onto his lap. Gwil cups his face, “me too.”

Ben wants to make sure they are on the same page, “you too what?”

Gwil tilts his head, looking up at Ben pleadingly, “I can’t say it.” Gwil clears his throat and straightens up. He moves his hands to behind Ben’s hips, “I want to continue being with you while we are both here. I can’t say the words though. Even if I feel them. 

Ben kisses the corner of Gwil’s mouth. He speaks against Gwil’s lips, “do you want to hear them?”

Gwil slowly shakes his head, “just kiss me.”

Ben presses his lips firmly against Gwil’s. Ben pulls back, “would it be presumptuous if I asked to spend the night?”

Gwil grins, “I would really like that.”

Ben smirks, “me too.” He kisses Gwil again.

++++++++

_Gwil rests his hands on either side of Ben’s neck. He wipes away a tear from Ben’s cheek._

_Ben sniffles, “is this a bad idea?”_

_Gwil half smiles, “which part?”_

_“All of it!” Ben whines._

_Gwil blinks away a few tears of his own, “you pursuing your dreams is not a bad idea. You’re going to be wonderful.”_

_Ben nods and looks over Gwil’s shoulder, “what about-“ He swallows, “I- I didn’t think we’d ever break up.”_

_Gwil clenches his jaw, trying not to start sobbing. “I know, but we agreed.”_

_Ben looks back to Gwil, “long distance doesn’t work.”_

_“No.” Gwil loses his battle not to cry, “it doesn’t. We don’t want to fight just because we miss each other. We may end up resenting each other. We can both do our dreams this way.”_

_Ben licks his lips, “I don’t think I could never be mad at you for long.”_

_Gwil chuckles, “me either.” He kisses Ben quickly, “we could still make it back to each other.”_

_Ben nods, “yeah.” Ben looks up at a clock. He needs to get on the train so he doesn’t miss it. “I have to go now.”_

_Gwil runs his fingers through Ben’s hair, “I’m proud of you. Taking a giant step like this.”_

_Ben smiles bashfully, “I’m proud of you, too. Do you want me to start calling you Dr. Lee now?_

_“Maybe next year,” Gwil laughs before taking a deep breath, “remember me when you’re a big star.”_

_Ben fondly rolls his eyes, “don’t study so much you forget about me.”_

_Gwil smiles, “never.”_

_Gwil kisses Ben again. Ben puts his hand on the back of Gwil’s head to hold him there, just a moment longer._

++++++++

Ben wakes up but he’s so comfortable he doesn’t want to open his eyes. He’s almost the perfect amount of warm. He cracks one eye. He can see the clock next to the bed. It’s 11 am. He feels the bed shift behind him. He smiles and rolls over, instantly curling around Gwil, both of them still naked from the night before. 

Gwil mumbles something Ben doesn’t catch as he hugs Ben against his chest. He kisses Ben’s head, “good morning, babe.”

Ben laughs lightly, “I forgot how comfortable you are to sleep with.”

Gwil rubs his hand along Ben’s back, “you are the best little spoon.”

Ben still has the overwhelming urge to tell Gwil all the things he didn’t the night before. Instead he shifts so he’s straddling Gwil.

Gwil smiles and cheekily says, “now it’s a really good morning.” He puts his hands on Ben’s hips. 

Ben leans over Gwil, “do you still not want to say things?”

Gwil barely shakes his head.

“Alright then.” Ben kisses Gwil instead.

Ben slowly sneaks down the stairs of the Lee house with Gwil chuckling behind him. Gwil didn’t believe Ben that any of their parents would just need to see him to be able to tell all the sex he’d had since they last saw him. Ben doesn’t want to chance it though.

++++++++

Ben is picking up his phone to see how close Gwil is to coming over when there’s a soft knocking at his door.

Ben calls out, “come in.”

Gwil smiles wide, crosses the room, and tosses himself onto the bed. He rolls onto his side, head propped up on his hand to look at Ben, “what are we doing tonight?”

Ben grimaces, “err.”

Gwil’s sits up a little more, “did family plans come up? Could I tag along?” Ben shakes his head. Gwil’s eyebrows shoot up, “what?”

Ben looks to the ground. He doesn’t want to tell Gwil. He tries to think of the best way to say it.

Gwil looks around the room. His eyes fall on the suitcase by the closet door. “What’s going on?

Ben sighs, “I have an audition.”

Gwil bites down, willing his emotions away, “when?”

Ben licks his lips, “two days.”

Gwil inhales deep, “when are you leaving?”

Ben mumbles, “midnight” towards the ground.

Gwil sits up with his feet on the ground, “when did you find out?”

“30 minutes ago.” Ben shifts his feet to walk towards Gwil, but stops. “I finished changing my flight right before you got here.”

“I’ll go.” Gwil starts to stand.

Ben steps closer to Gwil, “you don’t have to.”

“I can’t stay.” Gwil stands up, running his fingers through his hair. He starts pacing a bit between the bed and the door, “I can’t watch you leave again.”

Ben talks softly, “you knew I was leaving. You’ll go home too.”

“I DIDN’T KNOW” Gwil closes his eyes. “Sorry.” A single tear slides down Gwil’s cheek. He opens his eyes again to look into Ben’s, “I didn’t know you still love me. I didn’t know it would feel like this.”

Ben steps up to Gwil, “of course I still love you. I never stopped. That’s why I didn’t stay in touch. It hurt too much.”

“Well, neither did I.” Gwil still back down on the bed, holding his face in his hands.

Ben sits down next to him, putting his arm around his shoulders. He kisses Gwil’s cheek. “I love you, Gwilym.”

Gwil drops his hands to look over at Ben, “I love you too, Benjamin.”

Ben smiles sadly, “I think I always will.”

“Same here.” Gwil sniffles, “I guess I’ll be a mess again. Maybe it won’t last for years again.”

Ben kisses his cheek again, “I’m sorry.”

Gwil sighs, “me too.”

“I was too.” Ben kisses Gwil’s lips this time.

Gwil puts his hand on Ben’s knee. He rests his forehead against Ben’s, “I want to be strong and take you to the station. I can’t though.”

Ben whispers, “okay.”

Gwil pushes himself up. He turns around to face Ben. He smiles and uses his finger to lift Ben’s chin to face him. He leans down, “I love you.” He kisses Ben softly.

As sad as he is, Ben can’t help smiling at the words, “I love you too.”

Gwil swallows hard, “goodbye, Benjamin.”

Ben licks his lips, “bye, Gwilym.”

++++++++

Gwil stirs some sugar into his tea. He takes the cup over to the table, placing it next to his papers. He’s spending his day getting ready for the next semester of classes. He’s got most of it all ready. He’s just reviewing the lesson plans to decide if he wants to change any of the books he’s using. There are so many he’d like to introduce his students to, it’s an ongoing battle to pick just the right ones. He walks over to his bookcase, just to look them over one more time.

The first book his eyes fall on is the book of poetry that Ben got him for Christmas. He should really call Ben. It’s been almost two weeks. He knows he should have already. He thinks it would be so much easier for them to stay in contact this time. There are a lot more means of communication for them to use than 10 years ago. Gwil isn’t sure if it would be easier or harder emotionally though. He doesn’t want it to become like last time where he just kept waiting then it became too long and they just didn’t talk. 

The door to his flat buzzes. He pushes the speaker to see who is down there, but no one responds. He walks over to the window and sees a neighbor leaving. They must have let whoever in, or maybe someone buzzed the wrong person. He isn’t expecting anyone so he suspects that’s it. Gwil goes back to his table and sits down.

This time there is a knock on the door right as his butt makes contact with the chair.

Gwil mumbles, “really” to himself. He pushes himself up to open the door. He wishes he had a peephole to look through before he opens it.

Ben smiles wide, “hi.”

Gwil huffs a laugh, ‘what are you doing here?”

Ben lifts a suitcase, “hoping?”

Gwil just stares at Ben. He wonders if he’s just imagining Ben in front of him.

Ben starts to talk, “maybe-“

Gwil realizes he is still staring, “sorry.” He steps to the side so Ben can come in. “What happened to your audition?”

Ben sighs and puts his suitcase down, “I got the part.”

Gwil frowns a bit, “then what are you doing here?”

Ben smiles, “it didn’t matter.”

Gwil crosses his arms, “what do you mean?”

Ben steps up to Gwil, resting his hands on Gwil’s folded arms, “I wanted to call you and tell you. I didn’t know if I could and I realized it didn’t matter if I couldn’t tell you. Nothing matters compared to you.”

Gwil slowly smiles, “are you sure?”

Ben smiles wide, “I’ve loved you in one way or another since I was 5. I’m sure.”

Gwil pushes a stray curl off Ben’s forehead, “if you stay, you can’t leave me again.”

Ben shakes his head, “never.”

Gwil smiles, “never.”

Ben bounces on his toes a little, “can I stay?”

“Of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> The poem Gwil reads is 'When You Are Old’ by William Butler Yeats


End file.
